You'll Never Be Alone
by BlueIrish
Summary: Those were the last words she said to me. And they meant everything. I just never expected it to be such a ...curse, even after twenty years. (Two Shot) uses ORIGINAL MASS EFFECT 3 ENDING, NO EXTENDED CUT INVOLVED.
1. Imaginary Friends

**_Authors Note: Warning, there is mention of suicide. If this is a trigger for some... please read responsibly. Though it probably isn't as dark as I'm making it sound. Happy reading, yo. _**

The old turian swirled his glass around in a mock toast for not really anything in particular. Justice he supposed. To the spirits even, if he was feeling particularly homesick. Which he wasn't. This was his home now.

The creek of the oaken door only numbly passed his conscious. The entrance was of an older style, simple wood hang, having to manually swing in with a twist of the wrist on a silver latch. Giving an almost obnoxious whine when in use. Like right now, with a flustered asari striding in, to her credit, she didn't pause at the sudden temperature change or dryness of the room.

The most notable thing an outsider patron would have felt was the temperature. The room was a solid twenty eight Celsius. (Or eighty two degrees Fahrenheit, depending on where you were from.) -much warmer than any reasonable home for say… a salarian or human, That was because this particular red and purple lit bar was dextro-amino centric. A sight becoming less and less rare on this melting pot known as planet earth.

Some old human purist would argue against such a thing happening on _their_ planet.

However, throw in a couple million sentient beings _forced_ to live on this blue planet and were absolutely crucial for rebuilding earth's infrastructure…

There was little room for those old aristocrats to complain, now wasn't there?

Not like the other species were especially _thrilled_ to be here indefinitely either. Since the relays were destroyed, no one could really do anything about it. Society has slowly been altered since that event, those long twenty years ago.

Each species used to view each other as allies at arms on that final assault. Now however, since everyone was trapped on this rock, it has turned more into a mutual annoyance of fellow siblings. Like a love hate relationship with a brother or sister.

Naturally, each specified race stuck together. Much like his home world, back when particular facial markings determined almost exclusively where you lived. The same was happening here, but on a much broader scale. If you were a turian wanting to find a decent clique for social protection… easy, find other turians. No longer restrained to those of similar tattoos or allies of your clan.

The ageing turian nursed his glass only because there really wasn't much else to do. Lost in his thoughts. And suddenly his mind shifted to something far more mundane.

'_Saturday'_, he thought.

Saturdays were the days young people were meant to have fun. Like go see a new public vid and dinner with a hot date of some sort. And quite possibly get some young raging hormone action.

And of course, _she _would have to comment on that. It was after all, too good to pass up.

'_Speaking of hormone action…' _her confident human voice teasing on like liquor to the old turian's tired out emotions. He felt the weight of her soft arm rest on the crest of his back, sipping her own gin and tonic. _'We could kiss and slip out somewhere, out back maybe?' _her voice charming.

'_Sorry honey, _some _of us would love not to blind the bystanders.' _

'_Hah, you don't want to be the star of your own show?'_

'_Star? Show? In that case, we'd only make a niche profit. But… guess there are_ _some other_ obvious _benefits, now isn't there?' _He felt his mandibles stretch into an unusual human-ish smile.

She reached for his glass with ease, a co dextro-levo amino drink. She downed it without much work. An almost sleepy sigh followed_ 'So you'll do it? Even in public for all to see?'_

He scoffed, '_I'll need more alcohol in me first. And drink your own glass, this stuff is expensive.' _

"A refill please." His voice cracked suddenly from underuse.

A female turian's brow twitched to the call, and ambled over across the 'graying' turian at the bar. "What'll it be?"

"A refill of the 'D.L. red'." He gestured to his glass.

There was an awkward pause in the server's stance. Then the next moment she went on without hesitation. "Certainly." The turian bartender went through the paces but poured with unusual slowness and care as she topped off the drink that only seemed to have been sipped at once or twice.

"Thank you, hon." He nodded and she was off wordlessly to a quarian patron hailing her.

The veteran turian sighed and took a swig. _'She looked at me like I was crazy.'_

'_Crazy from my experience is being passionate about something others don't see.' _The veteran woman gulped her gin and tonic with a shiver. _'Looking at you like you were an idiot however? Yes.'_

'_Thank you for clarifying.' _He had been getting that crazy look more and more lately. He supposed it was stress playing tricks on him. He glanced to his human companion who was practically draping herself on him, her chin resting on the crux of his protective shoulder ridge with familiar ease. _'Good to see you finally let your hair down.' _

She snorted and craned her eyes to him, _'It wasn't easy.'_

'_Being _able _to relax? Or feel like deserving it?' _He smiled and shook his head_, 'Don't answer that. We wouldn't want you receding back to business, now would we? '_

'_Don't worry, try as I might, I was never quite able to be strictly business with you.' _She jabbed a finger at him lightly, '_Probably something to do with that damn charming sarcasm and devilish good looks.' _

'_Okay, now I KNOW you're drinking too much. 'Never quite strictly business?'' _He smiled mirthfully flexing his mandibles again. '_That would usually be your most guarded secret, love.'_

"Garrus? Thank the spirits… figured you'd be here." A turian woman's voice soaked in relief.

Garrus Vakarain was suddenly jolted out of his thoughts nearly tipping his glass over. "Wh- what?" Visibly shaken now. "Wher- where'd you go, love?"

"I'm right here. Shh… shh… hush now." The woman went in for a caring hug, Garrus took it numbly at first, not quite recognizing her. His mind catching up to current events. Reaffirming his knowledge of time and place. He realized his mistake. He let his mind wonder again, and he was downright ashamed for it. _'Stay in the present, Garrus.' _Then he went ahead and relaxed in the woman's arms. '_Lanea.' _He remembered. _'Lana is my mate interest.' _His own hand went up to the woman's head and comfortably settled alongside her shorter fringe. He finally started to recognize the turian woman. Her features the usual strong turian example but with a feminine sleekness to it, her clan markings a soft orange with only subtle accentuation, nowhere near as dramatic and 'in your face' as his own blocky blue ones. She was also, strangely enough, in formal dress. Even jewelry adorning her features. Now that he noticed, he was also in formal wear. Blue and black dress clothes. Not quite remembering why.

They were entrenched in their awkward hug for only a few moments more. Finally Garrus sighed and pulled away still in his seat. "Thanks. I needed that."

Lana nodded slightly and let the silence hang. Waiting for Garrus to open up further.

When he didn't, Lana prodded patiently. "Why'd you wonder off like that? Weren't you having a good time with your old war buddies?"

Garrus blinked back to the event. _'…ah, the rebirth ball.' _Recalling the speeches and the events. It was all meant to be a pleasant focus in a dark world. Smooth lights, catchy music and a large array of men and women of just about every species ambling about. Everyone was simply celebrating their existence with exotic foods and dance. And of course, no matter how positive and forward thinking it was _meant_ to be, there was still the usual undertone of respect and mourning going on. Not quite able to remove it completely, like an old stain.

"Why _did_ I leave…?" The turian asked mystified.

Lana snorted and tugged at his hand, "Come on, let's go."

"Sure sure, just let me pay the bar lady first." He tossed some credits on the counter as he was hurried out of the bar. A rush of cold air and drizzled rain slapped his still scarred face as they left the small bar. Lana pulled him to the air car humming with life just outside. They rushed in.

"To the Carl-Lee Center please."

"Sure." The human driver retched up his controls and hauled off with quick, and almost rushed, efficiency.

Garrus glanced out the window to the molted gray world beyond, watching the collecting rain drops race across the windows. His thoughts went back to the ball.

"_We have an announcement to make ladies and gentlemen." The host said pleasantly, doing his best to catch everyone's attention. The music quieted, all eyes went to the balding portly man at the head of the stage. Massive three story windows stood arching above the crowd for a wonderful view of the westerly sun set. Rainclouds could be seen in the distance, as well as an obvious large statue hidden in white show sheets gracing the courtyard beyond the windows, right in center view. Obviously, the event was based around that statue, or whatever the alliance military wanted to show off. The contents unknown._

_The balding host gesturing to the now retired Admiral Hackett standing by with a cane in hand. Medical technology sent back a couple hundred years after the Reapers, unable to heal whatever miscellaneous handicaps he now had. His hands clasped over the dome of his gray white cane, he even donned his now out of date uniform. "We all know that we now live in peace because of the crucial cooperation's of all the other allied races. Standing by for each other. This ball will only be a footnote in history, but one that we will all cherish none the less. For we will not just to focus on the deaths of comrades, but the life that can thankfully continue. And because frankly, I'm sure we could all use a break and be selfish for a night." _

_He finished his sentence with unusual mirth. Something never expected out of the Admiral, even retired. A chorus of alien chuckles waved across the room. Some of which (because of their different cultures) -didn't find funny, but laughed anyway out of respect to the humans hosting the event. Garrus remembered doing it right out of habit._

_The Admiral continued. "So as memorial to all who gave their lives just so others can continue breathing, and funded by the alliance military, I give you the Unity Statue." And right on key, as Hacket gestured to the statue right out the windows, the curtain dropped. Framed by the backdrop of the sunset and bright pink and orange rainclouds… revealed a breathtaking action shot. Everyone started to applaud with actual pleasure._

_Each of the races were clearly the focus point, common foot soldiers of humans, asari, turian, quarian, salarian, hell even a batarian. Each in a tactical mission against some invisible assailant. In the middle, there was a raised stone with what was clearly a representation of civilians all living in peace. Probably in some way trying to show how the base of it all was carried by soldiers. _

_Garrus approved, and was genuinely impressed by the justice the alliance military did for the turian soldier. The only thing that stuck out to Garrus was the rocket launcher his species was carrying. 'Are we really viewed as that aggressive?'_

_Then his eyes met the human statue. The _female_ human statue. With an obvious N7 emblem on the armor. His mind cried out._

'_Jane!' _

_Instantly someone was by his side, "You going to be okay, Garrus?" The mechanized speaker giving hint to one of his oldest friends. The turian turned to the admiral quarian, obvious concern in her stance. And somehow, she didn't seem surprised._

_Garrus blinked his eyes. "I… I don't know, Tali." He knew he shouldn't look again, and it was stupid of him to not consider them using Shepard in a statue such as this. She was a damn legend now. But he couldn't resist. He turned fully to the statue again. Emotion flowing through himself._

"_Come on Garrus, let us find someplace a bit less…crowded."_

"_I'm fine." And he shrugged off her hand. "I'll just… don't worry about me. I'll get a hold of it."_

"_Just don't forget you have friends to go to, you old bird." _

_The aging turian actually felt better from the insult. "I know. I'll be dancing if you need me. And I'm fine! Promise. Now go get a drink, I'll catch up."_

_Tali eyed him, "If you say so." _

He never did go dancing. He went drinking. The only people who he could talk to about Jane, was Jane. He never spoke about her, but his old friends were always around to keep an eye on him.

It wasn't common knowledge either. Only their little group back on the Normandy had any idea of the beloved relationship. It was private, just between him and her. No one else. It just seemed like it was pointless to bring it up to anyone who wasn't there or didn't know her.

Even with his current love interest.

"You okay?" Lana jolted him out of his thoughts.

"Oh, uh, Yea." He fumbled.

The woman fumed for a moment, and in Lana like fashion, dove head first. "Something is up, Vakarain. And you're not telling me."

"It's nothing."

"Spirits, If it's nothing, you have some serious emotional issues."

Garrus chuckled nervously, "Hmm, I am a sensitive man. Thought the ladies love that sort of thing. How I got you I believe."

"Hah, you caught my interest with that lovely wit of yours. Plus you happened to have some sexy claws and a helava' nice fringe I might add." She smiled lightly. "At least you're _attempting _to sound better." Some tension easing. But there was a sad undertone with the brief silence. Then, "You can't keep doing this, love. It isn't healthy."

Now he remembered why he liked her so much, genuine care for him.

But why couldn't he just _mention _Shepard and be done with it? It was obviously getting in the way of his relationships.

He took a deep breath and tried, he really did. "I…" Then his voice faltered. He suddenly felt naked, exposed, vulnerable. Whatever word that would fit. Lana straightened her back in her air-car seat, listening intently. He tried again, "It's just…" Again, he came up short. He growled, "Spirits, why can't I do this?" He asked rhetorically.

"I get it." Lana said softly. "You're not ready." Disappointment she wasn't entirely able to take out.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

The air-car buzzed onwards and in sight was the ball, lit up with synthetic light. And the brand new Unity Statue right out front with flood lights blaring upwards. Lit up rain streaking across it. He instantly felt himself tighten up. Unable to restrain himself for instantly searching for Shepard. Her granite and concrete back facing him. Her widow sniper rifle in high detail clinging to her armor. The side of her face tilted, aiming down her assault rifle. But from Garrus's view. It was as if she were about to check over her shoulder, with a fiendish smile towards him. The turian could almost hear her say some snarky remark. And he would always take it in stride.

'_I was always a better shot than you.' _ Her voice suddenly said in his head.

He felt his heart stop. No no no… not now. _'Just go away, Shep.'_

She was sitting next to him, her fingers somehow sliding in between his claw on his lap. _'Why? What's wrong?'_

He couldn't deal with this right now, he was too emotional. Still recovering. He tightened his claws and clinched his teeth.

'_You're dead.' _He felt his eyes begin to water, glancing at Lana, who conveniently was staring out the window, depressed at his earlier actions. HIS actions. But his voice was caught in his throat. The air-car slowed to a park.

The brown haired woman stayed next to him. A frown on her soft, strangely malleable lips. So unique and brazenly different from his own. She apparently didn't hear him, _'I didn't mean to upset you, but I am alive. I'm right here.' _

The air-car door opened with a pressurized _hiss_, Lanea got up without word and strode out without a glance to Garrus. The older turian reached out, "Wait! I-" But she didn't turn back. She just kept on walking, and eventually, out of view hidden amongst the crowd outside.

'_Hm... quite the looker, she catch your eye?' _Her voice teasing.

Garrus stared back to the fleshy hand in his claw. '_In fact she did.' _The blue tattooed turian clinched his claw and shook his head, '_And you are a hallucination.' _She apparently ignored it with ignorance, or maybe just didn't hear him at all. As if impossible.

"You getting out sir? Or just going to enjoy the view? I've got things to do." The cabby driver peering at him with the rear view mirror.

"Oh! Right, yea, of course." And Garrus stepped back out into the night, the rain still a light drizzle. The air car was off with engine whining. Now he was alone in the crowd. Left to his hallucinations.

'_Don't be silly. Why don't we at least go in and visit?' _His human was suddenly at his side in a black and blue dress. Matching his own outfit.

'_No!'_

She reached for his hand again and tugged on it. _'What's the problem Vakarian? You're being unusually stubborn.'_

'_Just go away Jane.' _ He quickly rushed away in a personal retreat. His mandibles constantly flexing while dodging couples and those hanging around outside waiting for rides. He couldn't take it anymore. He loved her too much, he couldn't stand to even imagine her. Nowhere was safe. Never was since she died. But he couldn't let himself drift back in oblivion. Living life as a lie, pretending she existed. No matter how tempting.

'_Garrus! Wait!'_

He ignored her, and continued walking off, trying to get somewhere secluded and away from the ball crowds. He didn't want to be seen distraught.

'_Garrus, you're being ridiculous.' _

He snapped, and spun around to his imagination, "_I'm being ridiculous? _ You _died_! You left me alone on this miserable rock. "His voice ringing out over the crowd. He was oblivious to it. He continued to shout at the imagined human in front of him. "I love you, Jane. But you left ME. I'm hardly living now!"

The older man blinked his eyes to find his past love shift away with the mist of the rain. Gone. What he got instead was a crowd of aliens starring at him wide eyed and with caution.

"Uh..." He blinked and shook his head and spat, "Damn it." He turned again and headed off to the sidewalk, keeping his head down avoiding all eye contact. Just trying to get some desperately needed seclusion.

OOOO ~ OOOO ~ OOOO

"He is hiding something from me. And I honestly think it's killing him." Lana stood in a little circle of friends, and at the moment those friends were her mate's old war buddies. Both somewhat a bit larger than life to a ship astrogator like her. The quarian Admiral Tali Vas Normandy, and the famous asari Liara Ti'soni, virtually unchanged in the past years. But both were warmer to her first reception then what she expected.

The two women glanced to each other. Passing a silent question.

Liara took the first plunge, "What has Vakarian told you, Lana?"

The orange tattooed turian snatched a glass of dextro blue from a passing waiter and tray. She shook her head. "Only what he didn't mean to." She sighed, "From the start, it looked like a form of war shock. Which I still believe. Just… it's a bit deeper than that. Seems less from the gore and more from a loss of an old friend or lover I assume." She sipped at her glass, then stared down into it. "Every time I ask, he usually blows it off with, 'it's war, Lana. Not exactly cake.' Which doesn't make damn sense by the way."

The quarian admiral shrugged, "It's a human thing, meaning it's –"

"-I know, easy." The turian quickly spoke, "Just cake isn't that easy to make. Or is it meant to be seen as 'sweet'? But that's not the point." She took another sip at her glass, this time as a means of hesitation. "Please don't tell him I asked this?" Her marble green eyes suddenly pleading for permission.

"Your secret is safe with us." The older quarian said smoothly.

And for some reason, Liara had to bring a hand up to hide her smile. "Trust me, I'm used to hearing secrets."

The tattooed turian smiled and shook her head, "Am I really gossiping with the girls?"

"It most definitely looks that way." Mirth in the admiral's voice.

The turian sighed, "Was there … ever anyone important to Garrus. That he lost? Family? Friends? Even… another turian lover like me?"

"This is going to sound off topic but, what do you know about Jane Shepard?" Liara took the lead in questions. Her tone measured.

Lana blinked, "The usual."

"In relation to Garrus. You know he resided on the Normandy, yes?"

"Well briefly. I knew that. But was Shepard and Garrus close friends? I would have never guessed."

Tali snorted a laugh, and shook her head bemused "Hate to say it, but not exactly."

The turian woman paused, the answer apparently obvious. But was just too fantastic to believe. So she went with option B. "…Please say 'Hated Each Other'."

"Hah!" Tali huffed playfully."I'm afraid not. They were flat out, head over heels, smitten lovers."

"Tali, no need to overwhelm her." Liara chided.

But Lana was suddenly silent, thinking hard. The idea seemed too far-fetched for reality. Could have Garrus, HER Garrus, been in a relationship with the famous Commander Shepard? The woman who has reached the legendary status of 'Savor of Earth'? The Galaxy? "This is not funny."

"It wasn't meant to be."

"He was with a human?"

"Yes."

"Commander Shepard of all people?"

"Yep."

The turian paused, then with a deep breath tried to swallow the unlikely pill. Then said, "If this ever gets out…"

Liara nodded, "We know. Doesn't help that Shepard isn't here to defend him and cool the coals. But she isn't. And we understand the issue. All this has been under wraps for over two decades now so it's not a concern, momentarily at least."

Lana ran a hand along her fringe, "Thank you for telling me. It sorta fills in some gaps that that stupid turian has been giving me." She snorted and looked off to the big windows looming over the patrons of the ball, the statue eerily illuminated by flood lights with a pitch black backdrop of night. Her eyes instantly went to the human with the assault rifle frozen in time. Larger than life, infinitely impossible for any woman of any species to reach for ages to come. How could a turian woman such as herself contend with that? Then again, Garrus had been with her for this long. Had to mean something. Lana also couldn't help but think that the woman looked way to young for her mate. Then again, twenty years was a long time. The woman sighed and took a closer look at Shepard's face. Set in determination, undaunted. _'What else aren't you telling me, love?'_

OOOO ~ OOOO ~ OOOO

Garrus was mumbling to himself. His legs carrying him to some unknown area of the town. His eyes shifting at the passing air cars, and particularly holding on to the ledge showing off some impressive store lights beyond. Almost like stars.

Another car zoomed by oblivious to him with a hot gush of air following behind. Garrus was completely unfazed. _'Reminds me back when we'd used to jump into battlefields hot.'_

Silence

His feet continued to shuffle onward. His awareness numb. Thinking back to some precious memory.

'_Perhaps… maybe even find out what a human-turian baby looks like.'_

_A strike of her face flashed in his mind. Her hand on his scar, and her features set into a mix of determination, and sad acceptance. He couldn't even remember all of the conversation at this point. Just bits and pieces of a constantly sustaining love. Of an embrace. Of a strangely human kiss. The slight buzz on his lips that was always left behind. Her last words to him. 'If I'm up there and you're not… I'll be looking down… You'll never be alone.'_

"Never." He said finally. Tired beyond years, thankfully sitting against a store front, staring off to the cars zooming by. And that ledge, leading to the star like lights below. Stars. So infinitely beautiful. Soaking it in. Would that be where heaven is?

"Spirits." He half cried.

He closed his eyes, '_I don't think I can do this anymore, Shep.'_

She was instantly by his side. Her familiar weight against him. _'I can understand that.' _She let the silence hang, _'Just stay with me.'_

Garrus was unresponsive at first. _'I always have. And I will be with you. Soon.'_

She huddled closer to him. Both watching idly at the city life around them.

He was with her again, and it felt so right. So desperately needed, wanted. He smiled for what felt like a first in days. He felt young again. Remembering his markings brighter, his skin slightly darker with less cracks. His old blue eye visor fitting comfortably over his youthful gaze. Garrus snorted and stood up with the vigor of young man who wanted to run to his future instead of stroll. '_I love you.' _He thought simply. His decision resolute. The turian strode forward to the rail protecting the citizens of the city from wondering off the edge to their death ten stories to the shops below.

Hard to believe that was all he had to deal with, a simple hurdle and he would be with her in moments. He was sure of it. He tenderly climbed over the rail, and clung to it casually. Caution in the wind of passing air cars. No one was around at the moment. He could do it now, and it would be too late for anyone to stop him.

He paused, inhale, exhale, inhale… He felt alive again, Ironic. It came with an acute awareness of presence now that he was here. But wasn't this what he wanted from the start? Life? Not simply life, but to _live_. And it seemed like putting that life on the line for his love… was the only way he could live. One great final action of living. With a reward all to tempting.

Then with a low, old, gravelly voice... "Just like old times."

_**Author's Note:**_

_**This is actually a rewrite from before. Glad I did that. Unfortunately, I don't know when the next chapter will be out. (Hopefully soon.)**_

_**Side note, I really like the idea of the all the races being forced to reside on earth. Fun food for thought. It would be interesting to see how the cultures and social norms developted over time. Especally with the inevitable technology loss due to lack of resources and , It could go really well for species acceptance... or really really bad in a racist way for a long haul. Social stigmas and what not. Then some civil rights movements will help gain those sentient **_**fellow earthlings**_** equality eventually. yadda yadda. ... ahem* **_

_**So, Garrus wants to commit suicide. That's kinda dark. Wonder if he did it..? :P Feel free to review, yo. **_


	2. Warm

Lana strode over with haste to Tali, it was the tail end of the Ball with most of the guest already having headed home. The turian's shear demeanor was enough for the quarian to halt her conversation with a batarian and gave Lana her full attention. "What's wrong?"

Lana held her posture, "I can't find him." Her voice trying to be firm, but an edge of panic was present.

Tali went still. Then, "When did you see him last?"

Lana shifted uncomfortably, "In the aircar on the way here…"

Tali bowed her head and settled a hand on her forehead, "Keela. You left him _alone?" _

"To talk to you and Liara, why wouldn't I? He's a grown man! And I didn't know anything until twenty minutes ago!" Her claw raised in disbelief.

Tali strode forward with a sigh and grasped the turian's claw to drag her elsewhere, "I agree with you. But tonight is especially worrisome. Garrus had always tried to keep Shepard a private matter. That statue and this ball is just a stark reminder of her."

"I know! I know!" Lana said apologetically. The two dextro amino aliens moved about the room, and spotted Dr. Ti'soni heading out the doors. "Liara!" Tali called.

The asari perked her head over to the pair. "Tali? What's the matter?"

Lana and Tali ambled up to her then exchanged looks, Lana spoke up, her mandible flexed with worry, "We can't find Garrus." The orange tattooed turian shook her head, "I shouldn't have left him alone."

Liara waved it off, "Let's worry about that later. Right now, let's split up and find him." And with that, the three women spread out to find their friend.

Lana hurried off outside to check by the street. Though it had only been twenty or so minutes since she last saw Garrus, dark fear gripped her heart. She didn't know why, but she was more scared than she had been in a long time. Since the Reapers even. The turian woman began to run in frantic search. Just something forebode the worst and her instincts told her time was of the essence. She quickly stopped giving a damn about appearances and began to shout out Garrus' name. Bystanders gave her perplexed looks, she ignored them.

Anything to find her mate.

OOOO ~ OOOO ~ OOOO

Garrus moaned and shifted in place. He awoke with an ease on his mind, an ease in being. He opened his eyes to see himself sprawled on the metal black floor of some ship. It's dark hull not exactly the most pleasant of sights, but strangely enough, one of the most welcoming. His eyes adjusted further to note the data pads and the orange blinking viewers, showing signs of life onboard, some panels probably referring to massive weapons battery snug in the back.

Wait.

"The Normandy?" He pulled himself up without the usual slice of pain in his back. Nor with the normal groan that would slip out.

Why in the hell would he be on the Normandy? Not exactly the most cuddly and safest places for a 'heaven' but he was sure glad to be here instead of elsewhere. There was the familiar grate that he himself had paced along for hours. The same computers that he have dealt with for days. A whiff of plastic, steel, and slightly used metal oil. Signs of a very well maintained machine. Very few things could give Garrus so much pride.

His blue eyes went over to the weaponry on the workbench. His sniper rifle taken apart and cleaned. Ammo at the ready. Armor already on. He would be ready for a fight in a blink of an eye. He smiled.

This was his home. This is where he belonged. But where was everyone els-

The speaker at his terminal buzzed to life suddenly, with a _very_ familiar woman's voice, and it was very businesslike, _"Vakarian, I need to see you in my cabin. Don't keep me waiting."_

Garrus blinked, that wasn't in his head. That was real. That was _her._ Not some pitiful mental attempt at recreating her. But actually her! The turian swallowed and felt his heart in his ears.

Funny.

Everything still felt as if he were alive, he still had a pulse, still got nervous. He brushed off the observation and slowly walked to the door. As soon as the door opened, instead of seeing the stretch of walkway to the common kitchen, he spied Shepard's personal cabin door- as if he just got off the elevator. "Uhh…" He glanced to the door he walked out of. The elevator behind him.

How in the hell- er… heaven did that happen? He snorted and turned back to the cabin door _'Guess anything is possible now.' _He took a deep breath and stepped in front of the steel hatch, "Here we go…" the now young turian activated the door, when it opened he expected… he didn't know what he was expecting. But a warm breeze was not it. In front of him was a stretch of white beach sand, rich with plant life, and those strange trees earth had, Palm Trees? He stuck his head out and looked around curiously. A constant rhythmic crash of waves took his ear, the smell of salt in the air. Gulls laughing and huddling together along the shore. There were even thirty foot cliffs inland on the island. The hatch was just a free standing frame in sand.

Garrus tentatively walked out, his boot crunching into the compressed sand beyond.

"nah ah, no shoes allowed." A woman's voice said playfully.

Garrus's heart leapt, he spun his head around in search. She was nowhere to be found. Normally, he would have sarcastically comment, but this was… so much at once, all Garrus could really do was comply. He knelt and undid his boots. He awkwardly placed them in the Normandy hall. Then he stepped out onto the beach, damp sand overtaking his talons. The sun instantly made its presence known.

"A bit like Pavalon?" She asked curious. It was as if she were right next to him.

Though Garrus didn't see her, he smiled, her presence pleasing. "A bit. Not as humid though." He scanned his surroundings, "Where are you, love?"

"Oh I'm around." At that moment, a huge flock of gulls and pelicans hurried off in flight over the water, hindering Garrus's sight. He watched them fly off over the waves, their cries resounding off nearby islands until slowly receding into the endless sea. When he looked back down the beach, a stone throw away, a woman was crouched down in the sand, picking up sea shells. In a blue bathing suit, a very _revealing _bathing the wearer seemed to be absolutely comfortable. Her hair short and brown with a flower braided in. A thin summer cloth was tied around her waist, teasingly showing the length of her tan legs.

Garrus swallowed again. And stepped forward slowly. As if he were to rush, she would vanish. He took another tentative step.

"No need to be afraid." She looked up, brown eyes smiling.

Garrus's breath hitched. He had dreamed of her for the last twenty years. Trying to cover the deep sadness of living his life without her. Each time he thought of her, her demeanor was always causal but sarcasm could usually be found in her tone. Sometimes she was in armor, sometimes in her military formal dress, other times… nothing at all. Just his arms grasping her back. He never even imagined her as this carefree thing. And he didn't know why that was, but it fit her well.

Obliviously, he had been frozen to his spot staring deeply at the impossible beauty in front of him. She looked up again with her brow quirked. "You going to join me, or do I have to make it an order?"

Yep, definitely her.

He walked over, letting the salt water play with his steps. He hadn't felt sea water in ages. He crouched next to her, spying the wide array of shells she collected. He couldn't really believe that he was next to her. Or that she was next to him. He looked closer, her shoulder had a few sun spots, oddly human freckles, and a very distinct bite mark he remembered putting himself. She was so _real._ Of course she was. She_ was_ real. And he so desperately wanted to touch her. Well, why not?

He reached for her, and he tenderly caressed her shoulder. Soft, smooth. Human.

Shepard turned to him, she slipped her arm around his neck. "I've missed you, Garrus." Settling her head on his brow.

His subvocals reverberated in quiet jubilation. He finally felt… whole.

They stayed like that for a while, with the waves crashing and sliding up the slope to their feet. Garrus stared at the pearl white sand beneath him as the wave drained away, concentrating on the intimate touch. "Spirits." He whispered. He ended the touch and looked at Shepard, on the verge of tears. "I don't even know what to say, Shepard."

She smiled and stood, "Walk with me then."

Garrus smiled, the landscape and the company too perfect to pass up, "Sure."

OOOO ~ OOOO ~ OOOO

Lana wandered in the drizzle of rain aimlessly for an hour, it seemed like Earth always had such long rains in comparison to her home world. It was so depressing at times. The water slid down her non porous face plates. Up ahead she spotted emergency lights flashing about, a crowd of people hindering her view. Her heart started to race again. She didn't know how, but she knew, without a shadow of doubt- that was Garrus. She felt her face tighten, she never expected this. She took off with a sprint towards the crowd. Did he really…? Then verbally with her voice borderline hysterical, "Don't you dare, don't you fucking dare, Garrus."

She pushed people aside, some making calls back to her in annoyance. But she ignored them. When she made it to the inside of the crowd, her breath hitched. There he was, Garrus, he was being placed carefully on a stretcher before the asari and human started to pull him into the back of an ambulance. He was unnaturally still, and blood covered. Her heart sank, lana forced herself forward. "Oh Spirits! Garrus!"

The ambulance asari looked up at her hastily, "You know this turian?"

Lana nodded quickly, "Yes, what in the hell happened?"

The asari gestured to an officer nearby, clearly in hurry, "Ask him, this guy needs immediate attention. We'll be at Saint Mary's Hospital on 67th and Larson Street."

And with that, Lana watched Garrus' bloody body be pulled into the vehicle. She called out for him, "Garrus!" Then the doors shut closed. Lana cried out again, "_Garrus!" _ The by standers watched on sympathetically as she desperately called for him.

Lana became silent for a time as the ambulance engines came to life and sped off through the air. Numbly she thought, _'What were you doing, Garrus? Did you… do this on purpose?' _she shuddered at the thought, '_No, he would never.' _Lana shook her head, wiped her tears and held her head high. She shuffled over to the officer nearby, a turian. The man was chatting with a human bystander, who had a pretty totaled air car parked close by. The hood of it crushed in like something had landed on it. The officer looked up at her, business as usual on his features. Lana wanted to smack him, _'Show some sympathy you rock scum.' _She cooled her anger and asked slowly, "Sir, what happened here?"

The officer answered coolly, "Just a traffic incident. That fella nearly got himself killed." The turian's gravel tones almost bored. Lana felt her mandible twitch.

The human bystander spoke up, "And scared the hell outa' me! I'm driving along and that damn turi- uh, man, crashed on top of my car! This will leave a hole my wallet."

Lana's voice was ice, "Are you really bitching about your vehicle and not the life that was nearly taken? "

The human's eyes widened and he held up his hands defensively, "Woah woah, what's this to ya?"

"That was my boyfriend." She answered smartly.

Her eyes focused on him darkly, the human swallowed. "I'm … so sorry. I didn't know."

That grabbed the officer's attention, "So you know that man?"

Lana eyed the other turian, "Yes. That was Garrus Vakarian. One of the most prominent commanders of the Reaper War."

The two went quiet, then the officer spoke up hesitantly -confirming Lana's fears. "We believe, he had attempted suicide."

To hear it verbalized stopped Lana's breathing. She stared at him silently for what felt like minutes, then she burst into tears.

OOOO ~ OOOO ~ OOOO

Garrus and Shepard strode along the beach for a while, just enjoying each other's company. Then they headed off towards the island's cliffs. Local birds were roosting on its ledges. Palm trees were shading the ground beneath them green. Garrus observed everything with an appreciative eye, especially the woman in front of him. This was the real deal, Heaven. The two of them settled down on the ground and watched the seas beyond. Both sharing a comfortable silence. Shepard leaned back with her hands behind her brown hair. Garrus glanced over and could see that she really wanted to say something. "What's wrong, love?"

She sighed and looked up to him, "How badly did you want to see me?"

Garrus tilted his head, "What?"

She asked again, "How badly did you want to see me?" The turian briefly thought she was asking to be cute. But the question was dead serious. And it put Garrus on edge.

"I've longed to see you for the last twenty years."

Shepard closed her eyes with something still bothering her. "I know, trust me. I know. But…" She rolled to her side and faced him, "You aren't meant to be here."

Garrus's heart skipped a beat, "How… what do you mean?"

The woman's voice became hard, "I mean people generally don't commit suicide."The turian was silent, he felt trapped and uncomfortable. The woman continued, "Honestly, I'm disappointed."

Garrus shot his head around to his lover, the one person he had kept in his heart for all this time. To hear her say such harsh things were… upsetting to say the least. His response left his mouth before he could halt it. "I did this for you!"

"And that's a shitty reason." She sat up, "You did this for _yourself._ Not me. God, Garrus I'm dead what could possibly be done for _me_?" Her voice sharp.

Garrus' mandibles flexed exasperated, "Jane, I was torturing myself -hardly living!"The turian wondered how this turned into an argument so quickly?

Shepard's brown eyes were flint, "You had friends, people who cared about you, and I'm damn certain there are still people on Earth who need help. And here you are." She stood up and stared down at him.

His posture became defensive, "I was seeing you everywhere."

Shepard's demeanor eased, and waited for him to continue.

Garrus massaged his forehead, "Every time I was alone, upset, angry, drunk you were there. Haunting my thoughts. You were everything." The turian's voice quieted, "Nothing else mattered."

She slapped him.

Garrus was stunned. Her face still hard, but a deep sadness was etched in her eyes. The turian rose a clawed hand to his cheek, the sting present even here in Heaven. Jane took a deep breath and her face melted into something more approachable. "Garrus, what happened to you?" her voice mournful.

"You died." He said solemnly.

Jane actually barked out a tired laugh, "This is the second time around, love." She stood, "You let this feeling compromise _who you are." _ She glanced at gulls dancing by the shore. Their cries ever present along with crashing waves, both oblivious to their conversation. "Since when did you stop caring about those around you? You always liked to help people. Now what are those sad saps back on Earth going to do? You had the ability to help them, but you wallowed instead. And believe it or not, you had the makings of a life." Shepard then offered a hand to Garrus, there was an apology in it as well. He grabbed it numbly and she helped him up. They were close again, she wrapped her arms around him sharing her warmth, "What about Lana?" She asked quietly.

Garrus stiffened, he didn't know how Shepard was going to take that knowledge, but the way she asked her question told it all to him. She cared for the relationship, because she cared for him.

Garrus took a heavy sigh, "I guess I haven't treated her very well."

Shepard smiled at him, "No you haven't." she paused, " She loves you Garrus, maybe not as much as I…" her words were colored with a hint of smug delight. "But she is good for you. And you her. You didn't even consider her feelings on this. You can't just get involved with someone and leave them high and dry. That's… cruel. And you're better than that."

Garrus looked away ashamed, his arms practically tied around her waist. "I've been focusing on you for so long..." His words died in his mouth, regret filled him. Twenty years, twenty years he had been wanting this. He may have never verbalized it, but he knew deep down, he always contemplated ending his life for her, now however, he didn't know what to think. He stepped away from his painful short sightedness; jokingly he huffed, "I don't think I have a multi-billion dollar corporation willing to rebuild me from the dead, though. I believe it's too little too late, Love. "

"It isn't." She said softly.

Garrus blinked at her. And Shepard smiled sadly at him, "I have a tendency of dying. You however, are outrageously difficult to finish off. You survived your little base jump."

Garrus was slow to answer, "What?"

"You aren't dead. Not yet, at least." Jane reached for the back of his fringe, staring into Garrus' eyes. He had never seen so much passion in one person. Her earlier words were soon lost on him as she leaned in and kissed him. He could feel her plush lips brush along his mandible, he lavished in it. Returning it as best he could. She eventually broke the kiss and stared at him. "It took me my life to learn how to live. Living is to love and to find kinship." She smiled kindly, "That means letting people in, and letting people go, Vakarian. You think you can do that for me?"

Garrus, couldn't really believing what he was hearing, "I… I can try, Jane."

The brown haired woman rested her head against him, passing her love to him. "Then you best get to it."

OOOO ~ OOOO ~ OOOO

Garrus' eyes opened groggily, immediately he felt his entire left side was in a constant spiking pain, nor could he feel his right leg. He glanced down his form, he was on a hospital bed. His leg and left rips were in casting. An older style of medical healing that he never imagined being a part of. But of course Medi-gel was a thing of the past. The lights were dimmed and a cheesy drama vid with low volume was on across the room. He took a deep breath to settle his nerves. Only to have a jab in his rips. He coughed in pain and hissed.

Garrus made himself control his breathing into short burst.

'_Why am I in the hospital?' _He was met with silence. Then it came back to him, _'Ah, jumped off a ledge.' _ His mind was blissfully numb, thinking of nothing at the moment, simply being. _'How did I survive?' _Then he remembered hitting an aircar on his way down, cushioning his fall miraculously. He smiled to himself. Just his luck. He sat in the silence of his mind for a few moments.

Then slowly he spoke, "Shepard."

His heart wrenched again. He remembered his entire little encounter with Jane. There was one little problem; one that made him wonder about his sanity, again. If he was alive, then there was a good chance that she was just… his mind playing tricks on him. And that hurt -a lot. It was just so real, and brought a sense of completeness. To realize that it could just be another lie tore at him. He felt his eyes get wet. He snorted and actually smiled at the absurdity of it. Whether it was real or not, the words still held meaning and echoed wisdom, _'Living is to love and to find kinship.' _ She smiled kindly at him, '_That mean's letting people in and letting people go, Vakarian. Think you can do that for me?'_ It was such a simple view, a difficult view. But it made sense. A more organic way of living.

At that moment his mate walked in. She held a cup of what looked like coffee. Maybe a dextro amino equivalent. She looked up exhausted then noticed Garrus awake. Her features instantly were relieved. Her orange clan tattoos emphasized her emotions. "Oh Garrus…" She strode forward and was at his side immediately. She hastily set her mug down and held his talon into hers. She sat there looking over him, making sure that he was indeed alive and awake.

They made eye contact, he smiled slowly. "I'm sorry Lana." He said sincerely.

She shook her head and huffed. "You damn well should be. What were you _thinking?" _

"Not very intelligibly it seems." His voice tired. Lana grimaced. Garrus smiled reassuringly, "I'm glad you're here." In fact he was more than glad, surprisingly so. He tightened his grip on her talon. Lana gave a small smile and looked upon him with unyielding affection. He had hurt her. And that brought a pang of guilt to him.

But for the first time, he had realized just how beautiful her green eyes were.

END

_**Author's note:**_

_**Whew, first two shot I've ever done. Hope I didn't make it TOO cheesy or TOO happy of an ending. (Not that I don't like those. I just wanted a bit more of a solemn vibe.) Hmm... I also have a clever Epilogue idea. May or may not post it. **_

_**Anyway, l**__**eave your thoughts, feelings, critiques!**_

_**~BlueIrish**_

_** *Motorcycle wheelies off an exploding cliff with a flock of Eagles. **_


End file.
